


the sun, ever so fleeting

by xingyvns



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Attempted Angst, Canon Compliant, Fluff, M/M, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:48:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28184187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xingyvns/pseuds/xingyvns
Summary: the three times kuroo looked at kenma, and the one time he didnt.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Yaku Morisuke
Comments: 5
Kudos: 38
Collections: Kuroken Christmas Exchange 2020





	the sun, ever so fleeting

**Author's Note:**

> this is kinda rushed and im so sorry about that!! im not the best at angst but i did my best with my writing style!!

**i.** fleeting moments like this don’t come by often, and Kuroo would soon learn to appreciate them more. Until then, this would just be a forbidden memory that he was soon to forget, buried in the recesses of his mind for all eternity. As dark and angsty-teen like that sounded, it was also realistic. Being realistic was something he learned from young, a silent lesson he’d keep with him throughout his life.

But this moment, he wished he didn’t have to let go so soon. He was a freshly made third year in junior high, about to face what (he thought) was the toughest social and physical challenge of his life: high school. Filled with judgemental stares, the hardest entrance exams, and cocky seniors. What could be worse than that? He was young and happy just playing volleyball, learning to the best of his capabilities how to  _ properly _ play; how to set, spike, receive, all the drills. His teammates were… helpful, but the losses he suffered through them made him bitter (though he’d never vocalize that). If only his friend was more passionate, then maybe this wouldn’t feel as tiring as it did.

“Kenmaaaaa!” He huffed, having run after the ball after the spike went haywire. He held it under his armpit in between his arm, pointing his free hand at the said boy. “Come back here!”

Kenma flinched, halfway across the field to their bags where his phone was resting. He would’ve brought his Gameboy, but the faculty had complained to his mother far too many times that he would never pay attention in class. It wasn’t his fault that whatever happened back in the old days didn’t matter to him at the moment.

He turned, slowly, eyes wide as though he had been caught doing something bad (which in Kuroos mind, he sort of was). 

“But Kuroo…” he whined slightly, gesturing to his backpack. He didn’t want to play anymore, the physical effort becoming irritating and his frustration levels rising by the second.

He sighed before relenting (of course he would, it was Kenma after all), “Fine, let’s have lunch before our break ends.”

The way Kenma’s eyes lit up - Kuroo would give up volleyball to see the joy that sparked in that moment. As cheesy and, well, extreme as that seemed, it was true. It wasn’t often that he saw Kenma get excited, even when he plays games he absolutely adores, the look he sees more often is the sleep deprived, wide-eyed, tired look after a full week binge of the game. It was more of an exhausted joy, a moment of relief and content after completing something that brought accomplishment.

The feeling Kuroo had after a good practice match when he played volleyball. 

Kuroo discarded the volleyball to the side of the bench, scooting on next to Kenma as he pulled out the lunch he made for himself that morning. He was rushing, wanting to start a routine of an early run before volleyball practice in the morning. All he had prepared was bread he purchased a week before - he had never learned the name of it, but it was absolutely delicious. Just bigger than his hand, it was in the shape of a four leaf clover. In each petal, there was a hole in which a small sausage was stuffed in it, garnished with green onions and lightly fried (though soggy after sitting in his bag all day). 

Kenma, on the other hand, had a decent bento filled with rice and primarily vegetables with meat in the top left corner. What meat it was, Kuroo honestly would bet it was Spam since Kenma’s mother had a recent infatuation with it.

Kenma rummaged in his book bag, taking a singular bite of his food before setting it aside and grabbing a magazine he had. The cover had the latest games of the month and the new releases planned for the rest of the year, being rather thick and able to rival the weekly Shonen-Jump books that were released.

“That’s all you’re gonna eat?”

“I’ll eat in a second,” he promised, but Kuroo knew that was a lie. He would always forget to, getting far too engrossed in his game or whatever he was reading. It was something he picked up early on, and he admittedly found it endearing.

“Mmhm…” he rolled his eyes, biting his lunch as he glanced over his shoulder to see what he was reading. 

Kenma scooted over, leaning the teensiest bit to show the contents better to him as he started to mumble about the content, slowly raising his voice to coherent speaking. He would spend a considerable amount on certain games, others he would simply glare at in distaste and tsk, warning Kuroo to never bat an eyelash at the ‘shittiest game of the generation’. 

And as Kenma continued to ramble more and more, Kuroo couldn’t help but stare. Stare in awe, in adoration, in appreciation, and in adulation.

**ii.** “Welcome to the high school life, my dear underclassmen!” Kuroo laughed out, wrapping an arm around Kenma’s shoulders with a broad grin. Kenma had upgraded from his phone to a Nintendo Switch that had recently come out, his eyes never leaving the screen.

“The one thing that will change this year though, is you’re joining the Nekoma Volleyball Team!”

That got Kenma to look away from his switch, his shoulders jolting against Kuroo’s as he nearly headbutted his chin. The  _ Super Smash Bro’s _ game that he was playing was on full display, and the slow, sad clapping of Ike was all that could be seen.

“What?” He said, “No I’m not--” he immediately protested, shaking his head as he narrowed his eyes at him.

“Yes you are! Your mom told me you need clubs,  _ especially _ something to get some meat on your arms!” Kuroo’s grin only widened at each word, the slight sadistic side of him being revealed through Kenma’s agony.

He had to admit, the way Kenma scrunched up his nose and the cat-like glare he stared into his soul was quite amusing and even adorable. He knew he’d relent and accept his offer, he had to join a club eventually and he had  _ Kuroo _ with him, what more could he need? Well, besides free time for his Nintendo Switch, five hour long naps, and PC games he only had access to in the safety and comfort of his home.

“I have more than enough meat on my arms,” he quipped, sighing as he powered off his device, shoving it into the pocket of his bag. “I wouldn’t even make it past tryouts,” he weakly defended, starting to walk through the halls with his head down, gaze tilted to the floor.

“I’ll help ya out! Plus, you can just be a ball boy if you really want, it’ll still count as a club with active participation.” Kuroo wanted him to play on the court with him, more than anything since he’d maybe share his passion with him - and then it’d be a two for one deal. Being able to enjoy the things he enjoyed the most all at the same time, now that’d be a blessing Kuroo just dreamt of.

“...Fine, but if you don’t show up to practice I’m leaving early,” he finalized.

“Perfect! I’ll get the forms from Coach Nekomata and send ‘em your way once classes are over!” He stopped in front of class 1-2, the hallway starting to clear as the time ticked closer and closer to the start of class.

Kenma nodded with a reluctant sigh, waving halfheartedly to Kuroo as he entered his classroom, as if Kuroo was some kind of overbearing parent that was sending their child off. The small smile on his face went unnoticed by Kuroo, but he couldn’t help the warm feeling that spread at his rather doting nature.

-

“Kenma, meet Yaku. Yaku, Kenma,” Kuroo quickly introduced, his hands going between the two when he spoke their respective names. 

“Nice to meet you, ‘world famous Kozume Kenma’,” Yaku snickered in good nature, tilting his head down as an informal greeting.

“Nice to meet you too…” Kenma bowed lazily before straightening out, glaring at Kuroo. “You’re still calling me that?”

Kuroo merely snickered, “Come come, practice is gonna start soon. Ya gotta see me beat Yaku’s butt in this practice match!”

“As if, loser!” He chided back, smacking his back as he jogged to the court to stretch properly. Kuroo quickly followed, yelling insults (all playful of course) while flinging his bright red club jacket off.

Kenma haphazardly caught it with his arm, watching them go before the blow of the whistle caught him off guard. He jolted, the jacket flying up before back onto his head as he scurried off to find Coach Nekomata.

Though, the way Kuroo’s attention was on someone else for once caused an uncomfortable sensation to spread in his chest. But he shouldn’t be annoyed or irritated at this - it was natural for Kuroo to not look at him 24/7, even if his heart betrayed his mind. It was a subtle, painful ache for now, something that Kenma could ignore as he stared at the bickering duo, but how long would he be able to last?

-

“You sure were off your game today,” Yaku chided as he tossed a water bottle to Kuroo, taking a waterfall from his own. 

“Tch, you just played well for once,” he retorted, tilting his head back to squirt water into his mouth lazily. His gaze drifted towards Kenma who was picking up stray volleyballs on the court, his head down and arms filled with Mikasa balls. He looked rather annoyed with the situation, so Kuroo mentally promised that once practice was over he’d treat him to some takeout.

“--Oi are you even listening to me? Geez, you’ve been zoning out all day,” Yaku sighed, his hand on his hip as he followed his gaze. He slowly snickered, sliding into his line of sight to block his view.

“I see someone staring at their little crush,” Yaku sang, emphasis on the word crush as he wiggled his eyebrows teasingly. 

“Why I oughta--!” he growled, face flushed as a light blush dusted across his cheeks. Yaku started to laugh at him, his eyes widening as if he had uncovered the biggest secret in the world, which, to everyone else in the room, it wasn’t. 

“No way! I thought our upperclassmen were lying that you were this obvious!” He howled, one arm wrapped around his stomach as he pointed and jokingly teased Kuroo.

“Shut your trap!” he yelled, trying to draw less attention to them as he threw his water bottle into his face.

Kenma watched from a distance, dropping the volleyballs into the cart with a slight frown. The ache in his chest pulsed, but all he did was bury it away further. He didn’t own Kuroo, he didn’t control Kuroo, and he surely didn’t force Kuroo to reciprocate any feelings he harbored.

**iii.** “Our last game as third years… how the years go by,” Kuroo chuckled bittersweetly, glancing down at Yaku to his left. Kenma was walking to his right, focused on his Nintendo Switch playing the latest released game - Animal Crossing: New Horizons. 

“Stop talking like you’re some kind of old man,” Yaku tsked, his hands in his red club jacket as he walked forward. The game had just ended, the three of them heading out to buy dinner for the team. They were the usual trio to head out, Kai tagging along more often than not (but he was sore after the match).

“Between the three of us,  _ you’re _ the old man here,” He tsked back out with a joking sneer, his hands also shoved in his pockets. 

“ _ Both _ of you are old men,” Kenma quipped, his eyes never leaving the small screen while he walked with them. He let Kuroo lead him, pulling him closer whenever a pole would get in their way or when someone needed to pass by them.

“Kenmaaaa!” Kuroo whined, “Yakkun here is clearly older than I am! Imagine being a  _ Leo _ in this day and age!”

“Imagine being a Scorpio! Leo’s are superior!” Yaku yelled back, starting to jab at his side ferociously. He would’ve raised his leg to kick his ass, but the quiet fear of accidentally kicking a stranger outweighed that want. 

“You’re both wrong, neither are superior because Zodiac signs are awful.”

“We’ve got a Libra on our hands now, Yakkun.” Kuroo sighed, the playful air around him pulsing with each laugh. The jests and half-hearted spites being tossed around just caused his heart to swell, his extroverted nature coming out louder being beside the two people he adored the most. Don’t tell his siblings he said that, though.

“You think as a Scorpio you can say anything? Shut up,” he rolled his eyes, shoving Kuroo to swap places and taking the middle. “Kenma let’s keep you away from stupid for today,”

“Oi!” 

“Now now Kenma, ignore the Scorpio and listen to me instead…” Yaku started a conversation with him, jokingly leaving Kuroo out but speaking loud enough that he could hear what he was saying.

Kuroo couldn’t help but be silently grateful for the swap in positions, able to be quiet with excuse and to get a better look at Kenma (since Yaku was, well,  _ short _ ). 

The sunset highlighted Kenma’s features better than anything. The light golden hue bouncing off his pudding colored hair, the dull yellow seemingly illuminated and glowing as if someone had photoshopped and fully edited the background to fade away. His cat-like eyes glowed, becoming more radiant as the sun seemed to reflect in them. His pale skin became warm, the essence of summer starting to roll off of him in waves

And Kuroo knew he would miss this. 

He would miss it more than anything - the way he’d be able to stare unabashedly, hoping Kenma would catch his obvious attraction to him. The way he would hold him close, hoping the blush on Kenma’s face wasn’t from embarrassment but from something more. The way he would buy him gifts when there wasn’t any reason to, just to see his eyes light up with joy and that small smile curl up on his lips.

He would miss the way he loved him.

And as he gazed at him for the last time, he swore his feelings away in the fleeting glance.

**iv.** Kenma couldn’t take his eyes off of them. The third years had finally graduated, their diplomas in hand and the flowers donning their uniforms for their departure. They all lined up, Kai, Yaku,  _ Kuroo _ . 

His eyes never left his form as he bowed, tears lining his eyes as he said his final speech as captain of the Nekoma High School Volleyball Team. It was sentimental, to say the least - Kuroo was officially leaving, going off to a place where Kenma wouldn’t be able to reach. Physically, mentally, or emotionally.

He had long since noticed the longing gazes he started to send to Yaku Morisuke, the strong defense receiver that could silently outplay each and every person on the team. 

The one that snagged Kuroo right from under his nose.

And as he stared, longer and longer, he couldn’t help but clench his jaw as the unwelcome grip in his chest became more and more uncomfortable by the second. Their hands were intertwined, Kai shooting knowing looks to the unabashed couple through kind smiles and polite waves. The way Kuroo constantly squeezed Yaku’s hand, Yaku bumping shoulders with him each time he did so, reminded Kenma of the bridge that started to form between them.

Their friendship remained stable, better than ever. But because he never voiced his feelings, his thoughts (though he expected Kuroo to know he never would), he must’ve slipped up somewhere. Somewhere along the line, something changed between the two of them. And if only - if only he could pinpoint that moment in time and beg for a second chance, to go and make things right.

To be the one standing next to Kuroo, sharing tears of both longing and joy as time moved on.

But the longer Kenma stared, the clearer it became to him that Kuroo would never look at him in that way again. Not in the way he gazed at Yaku, with the softest eyes man could even imagine, with the broadest grin that just exuberated pure joy and adoration.

Not with the feelings of unconditional love. 

And as Kuroo looked up, his cheerful gaze meeting his own, Kenma could swear he could see Kuroo’s own heart mending. From what, he had absolutely no idea.

How could he have known? Were there signs? Was there ever a  _ chance _ , a  _ sliver _ , a moment where he had grasped his heart in his own hands, gently holding it and nurturing it with his own affections? Kenma desperately wanted to believe so, he wanted to believe that he didn’t read too far into Kuroo’s nature, that it wasn’t just an extroverted person going above and beyond to be his friend.

He knew Kuroo better than that - right? He grew up with him, he learned with him, he shared his good days, his bad days with him! He knew his weaknesses and what made him tick just as well as he did! So why - why did all the signs, the words, the lingering touches and unanswered questions - why did they fall so perfectly in place with the conclusion he so desperately wanted to reach?

Was he deluding Himself?

Surely not…

But as he gazed into Kuroo’s eyes, the brief flash of  _ some _ kind of emotion flashing in his eyes, he could swear to himself that  _ just maybe _ , he wasn’t deluding himself. Perhaps one day, he’d get the proper answer to this question. 

Yet he knew, in the flitting gaze and ever so present ache in his chest, that his fleeting glances and promises will remain as such:

ephemeral, in the moments as time went on.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for sticking around and reading! constructive criticism is welcome and greatly appreciated.
> 
> any genshin players here <3


End file.
